I tried to catch up with her, even called after her, she kept on going. In my hand was a small purple notebook, it looked old that’s for sure. I was at war with myself, I asked myself should I open her notebook or not. I debated but in the end I chose to open and read it. This is for me to know what’s been bothering her so it’s a good thing, right?
I opened her notebook and skimmed through it. Her notebook was filled with writings, most were almost finished except for a few pages at the back. Everything was written with blank ink and sometimes there would be smudges. Tears? After minutes of skimming through her notebook something in particular caught my mind. Red! A poem in red ink:
“Everyday I dread to wake
Because I know my demons would wait.
They are there morning ’till night.
There is no peace I can find.
I know I can never tell anyone
Because what right do I have to share
My demons that haunt me there
My demons that follow me everywhere
I know I am in this alone
Because I know I need to be taught
For my fault is my fault
Yet I know I need support
I will never be able to trust someone
After what he has done
He tore me from limb to limb
And kicked me to the brim
I can never be perfect again
All I can do is write perfection with a pen
I’ve given up on reason
I am now on depletion
I am shattered to pieces
And my hope decreases
As time passes by
All I can do is sigh
Soon I know I am at my limit
Maybe that is my ticket
To the peace I’ve always wanted
To the peace that’s always been my target”
I felt my eyes well up with tears after reading her poem. And there was more poems similar to this one but she was never specific. I never knew she was going through so much pain, it was overwhelming. This made me read her notebook more, then I finally found out what her demons were…