Bringing Her Back: The Notebook (Part 2)

 

I tried to catch up with her, even called after her, she kept on going. In my hand was a small purple notebook, it looked old that’s for sure. I was at war with myself, I asked myself should I open her notebook or not. I debated but in the end I chose to open and read it. This is for me to know what’s been bothering her so it’s a good thing, right?

 

I opened her notebook and skimmed through it. Her notebook was filled with writings, most were almost finished except for a few pages at the back. Everything was written with blank ink and sometimes there would be smudges. Tears? After minutes of skimming through her notebook something in particular caught my mind. Red! A poem in red ink:

“Everyday I dread to wake

Because I know my demons would wait.

They are there morning ’till night.

There is no peace I can find. 

I know I can never tell anyone

Because what right do I have to share

My demons that haunt me there

My demons that follow me everywhere

I know I am in this alone

Because I know I need to be taught

For my fault is my fault

Yet I know I need support

I will never be able to trust someone

After what he has done

He tore me from limb to limb

And kicked me to the brim

I can never be perfect again

All I can do is write perfection with a pen

I’ve given up on reason

I am now on depletion

I am shattered to pieces

And my hope decreases

As time passes by

All I can do is sigh

Soon I know I am at my limit

Maybe that is my ticket

To the peace I’ve always wanted

To the peace that’s always been my target”

I felt my eyes well up with tears after reading her poem. And there was more poems similar to this one but she was never specific. I never knew she was going through so much pain, it was overwhelming. This made me read her notebook more, then I finally found out what her demons were…

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