“Who is this guy?” Oh shit. It’s too early to ask her such thing since she just opened up. But , argh, I started already might as well continue. “Ummm…you know the guy you mentioned in your notebook….”
“Oh him….. Well, errr…” She said nervously.
“Oh you don’t need to answer that, just nevermind me.” I said nervously as an attempt to take what I said back.
“Nah, it’s fine. Maybe it’s time to finally get this shit over with, huh?”
“Well, his name is Jake, he used to be my best friend and my “soul-mate”. It was always me and him against the world, or at least that used to be us. When I first met him, we were both happy but the older we got, problems became over-whelming. His parents started to fight, a lot, they were drug addicts and alcoholics too. Then later everything became too much for him, he became depressed. Thank fucking god I was there to help him… or was. He even started cutting, using drugs too. I tried my best to stop him, I tried…… but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t fucking enough. During that time all my other friends were going through almost the same thing. One by one I saw them cry, one by one I saw them hurt themselves, one by one I saw them disappear from within my grasps. Soon he followed.
We used to fantasize the future we would have together. The memories we’d make too, but everything disappeared when he did. He promised me we’d stay together, he promised me he’d stay strong, he promised me he’ll never leave me! But I guess he never did mean any of that, they were just empty promises. Do you know how hard it is to lose someone who was your one true happiness? Do you know how painful it is to see everyone close to you die? Do you know how much want I want to kill myself everyday just because I deserve it?”
“Why do you think you deserve such thing?” I had to cut her short. She doesn’t even deserve to die.
“Because I couldn’t do anything to help them, I couldn’t fucking save them! Being left alone is fucking scary, attending everyone’s funeral was so painful. I fucking miss them; their voices, their laughters, the stories they told, their faces, their touch, everything. They left me alone, to fend for myself. Everyday people before would ask me questions like “Are you okay?” No! I am not fucking okay, do you think I am?! Losing everyone whom you cared and loved for, losing everyone who was important to you, seeing their dead bodies in coffins; lifeless and cold. Why the fuck do they even ask?! Why do people have to be cruel, why does life have to be a bitch.”
She breathed heavily after saying that. I never knew it was so much, I never knew she had so much weight on her shoulders. Her tears streaked her face, it was too traumatizing for her. And now I ask the same question she asked. Why does life have to kill someone so innocent? Why does it have to be bitch?