Double Back and Stride Front

Realization dawned onto me. I mustered up enough courage to message my older cousins, both are currently in the US while I am in the Philippines. Both of them are brothers, each matured in their own ways. I know they’ve gone through a lot especially with the family. Sadly, I was too young to be aware. Now I’m old enough and first handedly experiencing the struggles of life, don’t forget its complications! Both of them suggested greatly that I talk to my dad. At first I was like “WTF, my dad. But eh..” My dad is one of my triggers in a panic/anxiety attack. Was I willing to take the risk? But the oldest kept pushing, I finally agreed to. But I made sure so I asked the younger one. I discovered that he was/is depressed. I wasn’t able to know if he has recovered or if he’s on his way or still depressed, I didn’t bother to dwell on it because I felt like he didn’t want either.

The older cousin was ignorant and I can obviously see it, all it led me was pissy land. The younger one was more considerate. He understood and shared his learnings to me. Though I am young I told him that I will always be here for him when he needs help. That is something I will take seriously.

Given the chance to talk to my own dad. I know that he would be more understanding than my mom. He actually ran away from my grandmother, his mom, and lived in New York for a while. He also sacrificed a lot to be where he is today. Unlike my mom, I think my mom’s life would be composed majority of happiness. With the given stated above, I would agree that my dad would more likely to understand. I told him to talk to me once mom was asleep.

He came into my room, sat down at the side of my best. I told him the plan. He’s willing to do what I asked him to if my friend, the one we are trying to help, will agree. That’s somewhat a yes, right? He also mentioned flaws and whats looked over our plan. He said “It has to come from her“. Now I realized is that he was right, absolutely right. We will start and make an opening for her then she must or will have to continue. I know what I’m going to do. Tomorrow, I’ll discuss this new plan and see how it works out. Thats what I’m going to do. I’m going to double back and stride front.


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