It’s My Birthday?

2 years ago, I stopped caring for my birthday. I stopped expecting surprises. I stopped expecting gifts. I just stopped. I realized that a birthday is just the same as ordinary days, anything can happen within the 24 hour period. There’s actually nothing special to a birthday, you don’t celebrate the day you were born because it wasn’t in that specific date of the current year you were born. The simple number of 13 or 14 years old is nothing but a number, a counter really. I wonder why society made the day you were born as a counter. It can actually start in any day.

I’ve been reminded numerous times before my birthday. I actually even forgot it. Now October 29, 2013 was the ‘day’ I was born with 14 years of living and counting on. Today, I could not forget my birthday at all because everyone would keep saying ‘Happy Birthday!’, and everything time I’d have to reply ‘Thank You’ to at least have the decency.

I know typically a birthday is supposed to be happy but the whole day I felt like crying. I was extremely distracted. This caused me to fail 5 quizzes. I could not focus at all! It came to the point I wrote a lot of things on my arm. Things such as: Nothing, Don’t let it win, Hold on, Chained, To fall is to rise, and the biggest and the most prominent of all is the word focus. In the end, I broke down … in front of my classmates. Well, there goes trying to hide.

I was able to use volleyball as a distraction, which was great. Training finished at about 6:30 pm and I arrive home 7 pm. I came home alone thinking of the things I’d have to do soon: Re-write my soliloquy, find international news for news reporting, TLE blog questions, english script, blog post that has been delayed for too long. Yes, it’s always been on my mind and I’ve been doing my best to make time. Sadly, I end up too exhausted and pass out. As I had all those things on my mind I entered my room and saw this…20131029-232733.jpg

A new guitar! Something I’ve been asking for so long. I literally cried as I entered, it’s something that actually made my day. I’m so grateful for my parents. I know they don’t deserve a child like me but still they do their best to make me feel love. Sure, we argue a lot, I’m scared at home. This is just one of the rare moments I feel loved, and I treasure those memories.

Eventually, it changed my perspective. Maybe it’s okay to feel excited about your birthday. Maybe it’s okay to have hope that it’d be happy. Maybe I should give myself a chance as long as I don’t expect a lot.

Happy Birthday to those who are celebrating.
Happy Birthday to those who have yet to celebrate.
Happy Birthday to those who have celebrated.

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