A Gamble with Honesty

I know I haven’t been posting, “posting” — like blogging and all that. I’ve just been posting poems. I told you guys that my old posting schedule will go back…. Sadly, it hasn’t. I thought my busy schedule will come to an end or at least lessen. As you can see, it has not. With homeworks, cramming, more drama, and this terrible cold I have that’s making my world spin and make me fell like shit. Yes, my life has been extremely busy. But over the past few days, I’ve gotten topics that I’d like to share but take note: it’s only my opinion. To start it off I would gladly love to talk about honesty.

Well my guidance counselor and I have an unusual connection. I know it seems weird that I’m close to such person but I guess it’s because she gives me answers and made me realize or at least help me to realize such things. These past few days the ‘drama’ became “THE drama“. It’s become bigger, extremely gigantic. From one major problem, another arose. Nothing will stay the same, ever. That’s what I’ve learned, no matter how much you try to keep it same or how much will power you have to keep it stable.

Recently, I’ve got a friend. She was on the road to recovery. Take note: she was. I thought ‘Hey, she’s doing great. I hope nothing makes her relapse.”. Guess what? She did, terribly. Her cutting turned out worse than before. She even started cutting on her arms. She’s never done it because she always meant to hide it. I guess it was mainly because she’s lost her ‘home‘.

Home isn’t your typical house, it’s something much more. It’s somewhere you feel safe, protected, and most importantly, calm. Home can be a place, an item, or even a person. My home is with my best friend, while hers is her so called ‘older sister’. Let’s name this ‘older sister’ of hers as Aimee.

Sadly, because of some complicated reason Aimee and my friend stopped talking, their situation is not normal and should be kept hidden. Basically, my friend lost her special person. We all know that we have friends, close friends, best friends and sometimes, some people separate their best friend from this ‘special person’. Only such person knows everything. Only that person is your automatic first person. I bet it was hard on her, then her parents started becoming a problem too. Even some of her friends started avoiding her. Sadly, I will admit that I am one of them. I have my own reasons, I will never leave a friend for no apparent reasons.

With her situation becoming terribly worse to extremely bad. She’s already overdose twice and luckily failed. I did my best and gave her more reasons to stay. All I aimed for her is to have second thoughts. She’s also starting to notice how some of her friends started leaving. My guidance counselor, whom is very well aware of her situation, suggested we tell her why her friends are leaving. Maybe some would not agree, other would do other wise yet I still pushed through with it. We had a heart to heart talk to each other, it was very awkward at first but we got through hat barrier. Luckily, she was mature enough to accept what our say of her. Now we are still friends but will repair our friendship little by little.

Sometimes situations and circumstances can be hard and complicated but most times honesty can help the situation yet it can also worsen it. It’s like a gamble that you must take because most times staying safe doesn’t get you anywhere. But in the end, everything would depend if both parties will deal with it maturely and in a civil manner. It doesn’t hurt to observe.


Porcelain Doll

Just like a porcelain doll
Your skin so white
Flawless and smooth
Yet fragile as glass

Your skin, thin as paper
Your mind, thick as metal
Your thoughts, blurred as fog
Your eyes, clear as glass

Run you may do so
Hide you may not
All attempts end up futile
For it will always find you

Don’t runaway
Don’t even bother to try
Face it or be crushed
By the relentless memories

I know my dear
It’s eating you alive
But don’t fret
I’ll always be here


Behind These Walls

The symphony of the crowd
Roaring with all their might
Showing no fear
In the face of death

Chanting their lives
Worth of memories
Made within the given time

Alone they’re brittle
Together a wall
Strong to withhold
Against any whom oppose

Those whom break
No worries they’re others
Willing to remind
And give a helping hand

No one calls bets alone
Decisions weighed on all
Together they rise
Together they fall

Unity among others
No one may ponder
Questions, no exception
Debates all voided

Thats the feeling
Behind these walls
Where strength
You can find with others


Update #1

I’m sorry I haven’t been posting as much as I did. Now I guess I’ll start my long excuses but I’ll do my best to keep it short. Things have been very stressful: physically and mentally. Things have arose and I’ve been physically abusing my own body to the point of passing out every night. Don’t worry, physically abusing myself is basically me doing volley for 6 straight days for the whole day. *Cue the applause*. Then things I’ve forgotten and thought I’ve gotten over has re-risen, problems that have been put on hold now gives me the stress of making quick action with the little time to think over.

In actuality, I’ve been wanting to post but I haven’t have the thoughts and the time, hilarious right? Most people would have the thoughts and the time but they don’t have the drive to type or write. Well, I on the other hand has a weird functioning brain that is extremely different, thought I don’t mind it at all. Even until now, I haven’t have the idea of a post topic. Maybe it’s because thoughts are in and out of my head 24/7. When one gets forgotten, another arises then the forgotten one comes back.

Yes, I know that I have an extremely short span of attention but I actually think in very complicated way too.  Don’t need to tell me that twice.

I have also made a hundred drafts and deleted a thousand more.


Most are one liners and are extremely a short train of thought. Some are extremely crappy and shit, ramblings such as this. Others too light, too ‘heavy’, or too personal.

I have will say this now that I have my respects to you, readers. It must be a pain to read my posts: my terrible grammar and spelling, the unorganized thoughts, the random moments, maybe too depressing, or too happy. I want to thank you for sticking up with my bipolar ways. Please feel free to comment your own opinions because I, myself, am curious.

I’ll be having  a new thing to post:

  1. Train of Thoughts – to exercise your brain.
  2. Song Lyrics – My own version of a playlist but in just a song (hahahahaha)

So far those are my ideas, I don’t know every when I’d post it. Daily, monthly or every whatsoever days has not been decided. Please bear with me for quite a little while and I’ll go back to my regular posting.


My Sweet Child

Just close your eyes my sweet child
No one can touch you here
No one can harm you here
No can can judge you here

Just close your eyes my sweet child
I’ve come here to save you
I’ve come here to protect you
I’ve come here to get you

Just close your eyew my sweet child
Never open them again
I’ve gone through what you have
Trust me this way is something better

Just close your eyes my sweet child
Your tears would be no more
Here your scars will be gone
Here you are loved

That’s it my sweet child
Close your eyes
Put that rope around your neck
Take that leap and pain would be no more

That’s it my sweet child
Close your eyes
Aim that gun beside your head
Pull the trigger and pain would be no more

That’s it my sweet child
Close your eyes
Grab a handful of pills in your hand
Swallow them all and pain would be no more

That’s it my sweet child
Close your eyes
Grab a knife and hold it in your hand
Stab yourself in the heart and pain would be no more

That’s it my sweet child
Close your eyes
Breathe in the air left in your lungs
Take that last step and fall then pain would be no more

That’s it my sweet child
Close your eyes
Your pain is no more.


Yolando Hits and Leaves

Yolanda hits the Philippines and leaves history as the strongest typhoon in the Philippines and in Asia. It has left thousands of people mourning for their lost loved ones and left thousands of people dead. It is believed that Yolanda has killed more than 10,000 people. Sadly, the problem does not end there. Places such as Bohol, Leyte, Cebu and etc are in trouble of shortage of food. Many try to donate but fails because roads are blocked by debris. Airports no longer stand and has been destroyed by the super typhoon too. Only runways remain but also filled debris thus, making it impossible for planes to land. Cellular sites has shut down in areas heavily affected by the typhoon causing lack of communication from the capital city of the Philippines, Metro Manila. Government officials has tried their best efforts to send relief goods with such situation. Pope Francis has even sent prayers to the Philippines. Even some international celebrities did their best to extend their best efforts to help. With the continuing rise of death toll and of those missing, can the Filipinos regain footing to recover?

Filipinos are generally known as the happiest people in the world. Why? Well, it isn’t the first time we’ve experienced flood but not as strong. Even though streets are filled with water as high as the chest, Filipinos never fail to find enjoyment. Sometimes as simple as a 5 second fame on TV is enough to make them smile. Currently, reports say that it has left the survivors of Yolanda looking like ‘the walking dead‘. I can’t blame them since they’ve gone through hell, maybe even seeing people die in front of their eyes. They’ve also started to starve, they don’t even have shelter! If I were in their shoes I wouldn’t even give any effort to find enjoyment.

No matter how much the Philippines have tried their best efforts to prepare with the warnings given, the typhoon was simply much more stronger than it has been expected it would be. There was even a case in Leyte that one evacuation center was hit by a storm surge and water filled the place as high as 20ft. causing everyone inside to drown. But that’s just one of the several other cases throughout the affected areas.

Since the communication systems are down, the giving of relief goods are much more difficult. In the recent updates from the news, the President of the Philippines says that it is 10 times more than the usual effort to send relief goods to the affected areas. People whom have relatives and friends in those affected areas are worried. They are currently unaware of their status. Some may be missing, some may gratefully be alive, and some may even be dead! It leaves those people devastated and wondering what has happened to their loved ones.

In the span of 2-3 days, typhoon Yolanda, also know as the strongest typhoon in the Philippines and in Asia, has left the country in depressing conditions. Everyone else is giving their best efforts to send relief goods and extend help in the Philippines. Transportation and communication also continue to be a problem in doing such things. Thousands dead, many missing, much more left worried for their loved ones, they are the living proof of what Yolanda has left.

I am currently begging that those whom have read this, please, please, pray for my country. We need your prayers. Please pray that we may have hope that we can get through these conditions and recover. Hopefully, this will make you appreciate your loved ones that are with you now.


Stay Strong

Stay Strong is what I’ve always said
But in reality I can’t myself
Shame on me
Pathetic I am

How can I simply tell others this?
When I can’t even do it myself
I’m so weak
I’m so disappointing

But I really mean those words
Because I know maybe it is worth
Staying strong for you
Staying strong for the future

Now you ask the future is bleak
Yes I know. I know my dear
But why not try?
Though hard I know you can

Now I shall say
They famous words I do
Stay strong my dear
Because it will get better