As I write this letter it’s about 40 mins till 12 midnight, the official start of 2014. As 2013 approaches to the end, realizations and memories come a burst of extremely. One of the most prominent realizations would be, as each year comes to the end and another shall begin a new set of bullshit challenges but there will be another pleasing memories to be made. Well, 2013 is a year I would call my worst so far but also the best. I’m not really sure how what to expect and I would rather not expect at all. But all I request to 2014 is that, please please i beg you to be kind to me and also all my close friends, even those I don’t know. The temptations to light more fireworks are calling to me. I end this letter and will not prolong it anymore. But seriously, please be kind to me. Bye/
I know I haven’t been posting as much as I’ve used too. Christmas, emotions, and etc to take care of, not easy to handle. Added to the addition I’ve been distracting myself with movies! But that’s another story to tell.
As tradition (which I’ve made myself do), I will make letters for 2013 and 2014; a farewell and a welcoming. I started this out last year when I made my letters to 2012 and 2013, same as stated below. Do I plan to continue this the following years to come? Sure, why not right. Would I mind if you do that same? No I wouldn’t mind at all, it’s a free country and do so as long as you don’t bother anyone else (Haha). Here it goes…
I’m not really sure how to even start this letter out. I remember addressing that you throw every shit you had to me, well I was too ignorant. As I’ve challenged, you’ve thrown your shit to me: left, right, up and down. Sometimes I regret it and tell myself “Shit, why’d I do that.”, but there are also times that I actually think it was sorta, kinda “helpful”. How? Well if I see through all the clouded darkness, it actually gave me light; it gave me a chance to see things in a different perspective. I started to understand more, figure things out, discover and realize. Because of you, I now see mistakes as a door that has opened, all I need to do is gather up the courage to go through it. In this year too, I’ve learned to move on from one grave mistake I’ve made. I no longer regret it but it just feels like it’s a part of me; I’ve finally acknowledge that it was part of me, my life. But damn, 20-fucking-13 was a real roller-coaster. This ends my letter and I have finished 2013 alive, sorta.
Your soul crying
Your tears falling
Your heart aching
Anger and frustration
Fill your thoughts
Wishing for redemption
Lost in water
Darkness all over
No way of escaping
Slowly you are dying
Help, you’re screaming
Your eyes are dimming
Overwhelmed with pain
Pours blood rain
No way to reign
Control lost over
Nothing to hover
No way to cover
A lost cause yo claim
Recovery you refused to gain
It’s the 24th of December, a few more hours ’till Christmas Eve. Everyone’s busying themselves for the final preparations, people going to church, last minute Christmas shopping, and other “Christmasy” things to do. I, on the other hand is busying myself typing this post away. I remember as a child I’d excitedly await for Christmas. On most occasions I’d be too impatient to wait for Christmas Eve and open my presents an hour or two before. It was that badly I was excited, but as time passed by I grew up. Strange yet horrifically as I grow up I lost the excitement, the thrill of awaiting Christmas. It’s almost Christmas Eve and yet I still don’t feel it. I find Christmas as an ordinary day, nothing special. Sure, we may rob our family and friends of their money but I don’t feel the ‘speciality’ of the day.
As tradition to a Catholic such as I, it is manditatory to go to church on the evening of the 24th or on the 25th of December. This is all to commemorate to the birth of Jesus Christ. But the thing is, Jesus was never born on the 25th. Why? To those familiar to the story of the birth of Christ, he was born in a barn/stable. In Jerusalem, temperature drop extremely low in the evening until early morning yet will reach to extreme heat in the afternoon. According to the tale told about his birth, he was born at night in a barn. With the extreme drop of temperature he would’ve never even survived. Now you ask, why do we still celebrate the birth of Jesus on the 25th when he was not born on that day? I for a fact do not. For this reason, I refuse to go to church for I find it unnecessary.
As the day progresses, series of unfortunate events continue to progress. It does stop, it doesn’t give one a break. I finally realize that this is the utmost reason why the spirit of Christmas is at a distance. But the closer Christmas Eve arrives, I continue on wards. I cannot let it stop me, and I shall now. I shrug them off, of which I usually do. And try my best to be cheery and overly excited about Christmas for I do not want affect those around me.
In about 15-20 mins Christmas Eve shall arrive on my part of the world. I wish you all a merry, merry Christmas. May you all enjoy your evening.
“Shhh” thats what I tell you, as I place my finger to your lips. I silence you from your useless rambling and shush you from your lies. “Those things don’t matter, not to me and it shouldn’t to you. Don’t try and contradict me because in the end your reasoning will mean nothing. Anything you say won’t be accepted because it goes against my belief. Don’t bother saying I’m a liar for I see what you can’t. You are much more than what you claim to be. You are my love, my one and only love.”
“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are. To say something you are not is to kill the person you’ve become. What more is there to ask for when you are worth more than a billion of golds, or a diamond in a field of dimes. Say nothing for all this are the mere truth.”
As your sobs filled the room I pushed on “Don’t cry my dear, what is there to cry? Is it the guilt? The pain? The hurt? The loss? Or the regret? Don’t waste your tears for something such as those, none are deserved. Your tears are too precious to be wasted upon theirs. Don’t pain yourself no more, with such that you are much affected. Don’t let anything or anyone bring you down. Most of all, don’t let yourself bring you down – stand strong and stand proud. Don’t be weak, neither be strong. Be yourself, free and expressive. Don’t let anyone take it away from you for they have no right. And don’t you let them take it because they are yours such that I am your too. Before you do contrite, I have given myself freely to you for you have earned it. With free will I give myself to you, all together with careful observations and predictions that I chose upon to decide.”
A soft gentle kiss I’ve placed upon your lips for this is what I shall happily remember. As selfish as I’ve become this is upon my last request. “My one and only love, don’t cry. You whom have earned my heart is yours forever hold. Protect it and care for it, but don’t fret for I will guide you. I promise to never leave your side even ’till death of I shall not let me stop. I love you my dear, and I shall never let you walk alone.” Those words came out as barely a whisper but in time before my heart did stop. These were my final words.
As every year passes we all grow a little older. But with every year that comes new challenges come. What has kept you alive and hanging on for the past years of your life?
I am 14 years old and I have 14 reasons that kept me alive so far. What’s yours?
I ask you:
What fears have you overcame/gained?
Think back through the 11-12 months that has passed. What fears did you overcame or gained? Don’t be ashamed if you’ve gained more than that you’ve overcame, there will always be next time. Take note: next time