Back On Track

Recently I’ve been slacking off. I am now asking for your forgiveness, it was just that the past few days has been … overwhelming for me. How? Let’s just say a lot has been going on and I’m trying to find ways to cope with it. I am hoping with this next post I’ll be able to be forgiven?

Here I go.

Through the continuation of my ‘Drama Marathon’, I can’t simply say that it was my only problem. Unfortunately, a friend of mine that I’ve met on twitter is currently fighting cancer. Her life was not easy, I’m sure about that. She has nearly died twice yet she miraculously revived each time, and on that same day, my guidance counselor told me that “Miracles happen”. I guess she was right all along, we are just too busy with the unnecessary to notice. Oh, and don’t ask me if waking up each day is a miracle because I, myself, has absolutely no idea what’s the answer to that.

Past few days, I’ve spent it thinking about things. I started being a lot more pessimistic that I was and I thought about a lot of self-harm. I know it’s bad, I’ve been trying not to do so but I just can’t stop. Thing is, when I think, everything because vivid. It’s like I’m there, present in my imagination. I feel what the person feels or I feel the emotions during the event. Yes, I am weird that way. I hope through the bits and pieces of information I’ve given spread out through my post, you’d be able to figure what type/kind of person I am. I also hope that you accept me for who I am not who I am not.

Being the pessimistic me, my life is a bit more complicated than others especially when it comes with my way of thinking. Maybe it’s just my perspective or maybe it’s true, we’ll never know.

With so much things happening, it all starts to overlap each other, it turns into something problematic. I admit that I was so close to giving up with recovery, I was so close to relapsing. But lucky enough, I was able to have this day to think. Now again I shall say, I’ll take it with baby steps, little by little, problem by problem, I will conquer it.

Have you ever felt the feeling of being changed or a change of perspective because of a book or movie? If not, you have yet to find it. For me it was the book “Perks Of Being A Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky.  Perks, as everyone would refer it too, is a very unique book. It does not dwell on romance not like other famous books do, but dwells on another perspective of life. It dwells on a side that is usually hidden because majority of society will not be able to accept. It focuses on a story of a boy, hidden with a name, Charlie. Charlie is a person who’s past is not pleasant. The story revolves on his life as a freshmen. Though in the book nor movie, his past was never mention or describe perfectly but the feelings and the way it has affected him was shown and told. He meets friends who are seniors, Sam and Patrick. With the three of them together with other of their group of friends, it talks about their story. This particular story is very fascinating and very unique. I gladly give my thanks and respect for the author because he was able to write and publish a story with thoughts of it not being able to ‘click’ in the market. I highly recommend to those who have read my post up to this point. Watch it or read it, but I’d prefer you do both.

I’ve never watch the movie until now but it is one of the rare occasions wherein the movie is better than the book itself. Ezra Miller, who portrayed Patrick; Emma Watson, who depicted Sam; and Logan Lerman, who played the role of Charlie. They all embodied the characters very well, or so I may say. I didn’t even see Logan Lerman as ‘the popular actor’ but as Charlie, himself. There are lines from both the move and book that I will always remember:

These words made my heart ache, and it also made me remember words that I have forgotten. It no longer replays in my head but now a few more words have joined in.

With this I can truly say the book and movie of “Perks of Being  Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky has changed me in various ways. This book has changed my perspective in life and has given me hope again, the same hope that I’ve lost but only now greater. I’ll do my best to keep this hope as I continue with my road of recovery that I promise. The road of recovery is very difficult and excruciating but I know it will be worth it.

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