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When Did We Let It Consume Us

Oppression is the exercise of authority or power in a burdensome, cruel or unjust manner. Synonym of such would be abuse, brutality, harshness, injustice…etc. It constricts oneself from doing the best she/he can. I’ve seen how power can change one unto something different, a whole different being to begin with. The little girl or the boy next-door you’ve used to know is gone, only then replaced by a coating or superficial believes. With power acting as a poison, it goes to great extent to spread within it’s victim, it does not stop there. It’s then followed by victims of the victim, those who’re under that rule. Wrapped with an ivy like object, constricting them in a cage which contradicts their believes.

Some may say things such as “That doesn’t exist.” or maybe “Huh? There’s no such thing”. But now I ask you to open your eye, open then real wide, can’t you see that it’s currently consuming our everyday lives. It’s become so often that you don’t even notice anymore.

Oppression silences the wise and  prevents them to speak up. One word out of their mouth, one simply idea – the whole world is against them. Blocks the creative mind, and replaces it with unjust abusive copy cats. Oppression prevents you from being you. It consumes you’re whole being, and in that process you lose the person you once known.

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Reality of the Imaginary

To live in an imaginary world filled with happiness and peace is to: risk the company of others, those whom you’ve known, know and have yet to know; risk the enlightenment and pain they cause upon you, with knowing that they are what makes of you – what makes you discover your limits and go beyond it; risk the warmth of their embrace and their physical comfort or words that can touch your soul; risk the chance to discover more and venture to the infinite line; risk the chance to call the bets and make decisions; risk the chance to expect the unexpected. To live in such a world is to seclude yourself from the continuous growth of oneself.

It is a choice, an option that one may choose with free will for it is said that we live in a free country. The thought of the happiness and peace makes one feel untouchable and safe from destruction, but being safe will not let one progress. In fact, it prevents anyone from moving forwards.

A world chosen in imaginary is to replay the present over and over again, a broken record on repeat, never going back neither forward. The moment one chooses, knowledge within the being is the only foundation of the imaginary. It may different from time to time but as the sand continuously fall by the grain, different would not be ‘different’ no more.

A pattern such as A, B, C, D may be the original set, within it one may make more, such as: AB, ABCD, ABC, ABD, ACD, AD and etc. In the end, the pattern will stop until there is no more. That is when one starts to repeat the pattern; when different would not be ‘different’ no more.

One cannot benefit. One shall remain stuck.

The past, present and future – there will be no such thing. Birth and death will no longer coexist as one may know. Everything is just a time played upon the infinity.

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Subconscious Changes

I never really expected things to come to this, and I bet we all didn’t. Born as pure as we can be, first signs of life we are poisoned with lies among the people around us. A drop of blood which falls to the purest water there can be. As we continue to age, we grow wiser in each act we make and in each set back we encounter. But what we never notice is that, the wiser we grow the more vile we turn – vile in the sense of impurity from the truth.

Time continues to pass with death and rebirth in its path, nothing can stop it – nothing can prevent it. Every second, minute, hour, day, month, and years that we pass the more we die slowly. We start to lose something we’ve never found in the first place: ourselves. Ideas and beliefs forced upon us, limited choices, and a freedom we all should have, taken from us. Thus, we are forced to be molded to a mold that isn’t our bodies. The longer this continues, the more we lose the basics of humanity – the things that make us unique and human.

Like a bird in a cage, we are trapped in an invisible cage. Most may not notice until it’s too late, when the grasps of lies wrap their arms around one entirely, one is then blinded from the truth. What is the truth? What is the lie? Lies are considered fragments of truth while the truth are considered lies. They coexist within each other for a moment until the clock continues to pass then you see the difference, when it’s too late. The truth and the lie is most comparable to oil and water, at first glance they seem to join but after a while the oil will pass the water and float about it. If we look from above we only see the oil, translucent it is just like lies: fragments of truth. At first glance what we see the lie; it distorts us from seeing the truth for a while.

We all know lies are easier to accept while the truths are difficult to accept. Some may know better than to believe a lie but also know less that they accept the truth, so what does one do? Turn to ignorance of course. Sadly, lies are easier to believe than truth but reject both ideas – you ignore.

Ignorance may be considered to be an easy way out between the two, some may say it’s best and others may think other-wise. Admit it, we all have the tendency to turn to ignorance and well all have our fair share of it. An easy way out seems great at first but in the long run we all tend to hurt more than we’ve started out.

Just remember these few things:

Make your own mold, don’t try and fit into one.
See through the lies and not within one.
An easy way out doesn’t always make it to the end.

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Spirit of Christmas

It’s the 24th of December, a few more hours ’till Christmas Eve. Everyone’s  busying themselves for the final preparations, people going to church, last minute Christmas shopping, and other “Christmasy” things to do. I, on the other hand is busying myself typing this post away. I remember as a child I’d excitedly await for Christmas. On most occasions I’d be too impatient to wait for Christmas Eve and open my presents an hour or two before. It was that badly I was excited, but as time passed by I grew up. Strange yet horrifically as I grow up I lost the excitement, the thrill of awaiting Christmas. It’s almost Christmas Eve and yet I still don’t feel it. I find Christmas as an ordinary day, nothing special. Sure, we may rob our family and friends of their money but I don’t feel the ‘speciality’ of the day.

As tradition to a Catholic such as I, it is manditatory to go to church on the evening of the 24th or on the 25th of December. This is all to commemorate to the birth of Jesus Christ. But the thing is, Jesus was never born on the 25th. Why? To those familiar to the story of the birth of Christ, he was born in a barn/stable. In Jerusalem, temperature drop extremely low in the evening until early morning yet will reach to extreme heat in the afternoon. According to the tale told about his birth, he was born at night in a barn. With the extreme drop of temperature he would’ve never even survived. Now you ask, why do we still celebrate the birth of Jesus on the 25th when he was not born on that day? I for a fact do not. For this reason, I refuse to go to church for I find it unnecessary.

As the day progresses, series of unfortunate events continue to progress. It does stop, it doesn’t give one a break. I finally realize that this is the utmost reason why the spirit of Christmas is at a distance. But the closer Christmas Eve arrives, I continue on wards. I cannot let it stop me, and I shall now. I shrug them off, of which I usually do. And try my best to be cheery and overly excited about Christmas for I do not want affect those around me.

In about 15-20 mins Christmas Eve shall arrive on my part of the world. I wish you all a merry, merry Christmas. May you all enjoy your evening.

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A Gamble with Honesty

I know I haven’t been posting, “posting” — like blogging and all that. I’ve just been posting poems. I told you guys that my old posting schedule will go back…. Sadly, it hasn’t. I thought my busy schedule will come to an end or at least lessen. As you can see, it has not. With homeworks, cramming, more drama, and this terrible cold I have that’s making my world spin and make me fell like shit. Yes, my life has been extremely busy. But over the past few days, I’ve gotten topics that I’d like to share but take note: it’s only my opinion. To start it off I would gladly love to talk about honesty.

Well my guidance counselor and I have an unusual connection. I know it seems weird that I’m close to such person but I guess it’s because she gives me answers and made me realize or at least help me to realize such things. These past few days the ‘drama’ became “THE drama“. It’s become bigger, extremely gigantic. From one major problem, another arose. Nothing will stay the same, ever. That’s what I’ve learned, no matter how much you try to keep it same or how much will power you have to keep it stable.

Recently, I’ve got a friend. She was on the road to recovery. Take note: she was. I thought ‘Hey, she’s doing great. I hope nothing makes her relapse.”. Guess what? She did, terribly. Her cutting turned out worse than before. She even started cutting on her arms. She’s never done it because she always meant to hide it. I guess it was mainly because she’s lost her ‘home‘.

Home isn’t your typical house, it’s something much more. It’s somewhere you feel safe, protected, and most importantly, calm. Home can be a place, an item, or even a person. My home is with my best friend, while hers is her so called ‘older sister’. Let’s name this ‘older sister’ of hers as Aimee.

Sadly, because of some complicated reason Aimee and my friend stopped talking, their situation is not normal and should be kept hidden. Basically, my friend lost her special person. We all know that we have friends, close friends, best friends and sometimes, some people separate their best friend from this ‘special person’. Only such person knows everything. Only that person is your automatic first person. I bet it was hard on her, then her parents started becoming a problem too. Even some of her friends started avoiding her. Sadly, I will admit that I am one of them. I have my own reasons, I will never leave a friend for no apparent reasons.

With her situation becoming terribly worse to extremely bad. She’s already overdose twice and luckily failed. I did my best and gave her more reasons to stay. All I aimed for her is to have second thoughts. She’s also starting to notice how some of her friends started leaving. My guidance counselor, whom is very well aware of her situation, suggested we tell her why her friends are leaving. Maybe some would not agree, other would do other wise yet I still pushed through with it. We had a heart to heart talk to each other, it was very awkward at first but we got through hat barrier. Luckily, she was mature enough to accept what our say of her. Now we are still friends but will repair our friendship little by little.

Sometimes situations and circumstances can be hard and complicated but most times honesty can help the situation yet it can also worsen it. It’s like a gamble that you must take because most times staying safe doesn’t get you anywhere. But in the end, everything would depend if both parties will deal with it maturely and in a civil manner. It doesn’t hurt to observe.

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Yolando Hits and Leaves

Yolanda hits the Philippines and leaves history as the strongest typhoon in the Philippines and in Asia. It has left thousands of people mourning for their lost loved ones and left thousands of people dead. It is believed that Yolanda has killed more than 10,000 people. Sadly, the problem does not end there. Places such as Bohol, Leyte, Cebu and etc are in trouble of shortage of food. Many try to donate but fails because roads are blocked by debris. Airports no longer stand and has been destroyed by the super typhoon too. Only runways remain but also filled debris thus, making it impossible for planes to land. Cellular sites has shut down in areas heavily affected by the typhoon causing lack of communication from the capital city of the Philippines, Metro Manila. Government officials has tried their best efforts to send relief goods with such situation. Pope Francis has even sent prayers to the Philippines. Even some international celebrities did their best to extend their best efforts to help. With the continuing rise of death toll and of those missing, can the Filipinos regain footing to recover?

Filipinos are generally known as the happiest people in the world. Why? Well, it isn’t the first time we’ve experienced flood but not as strong. Even though streets are filled with water as high as the chest, Filipinos never fail to find enjoyment. Sometimes as simple as a 5 second fame on TV is enough to make them smile. Currently, reports say that it has left the survivors of Yolanda looking like ‘the walking dead‘. I can’t blame them since they’ve gone through hell, maybe even seeing people die in front of their eyes. They’ve also started to starve, they don’t even have shelter! If I were in their shoes I wouldn’t even give any effort to find enjoyment.

No matter how much the Philippines have tried their best efforts to prepare with the warnings given, the typhoon was simply much more stronger than it has been expected it would be. There was even a case in Leyte that one evacuation center was hit by a storm surge and water filled the place as high as 20ft. causing everyone inside to drown. But that’s just one of the several other cases throughout the affected areas.

Since the communication systems are down, the giving of relief goods are much more difficult. In the recent updates from the news, the President of the Philippines says that it is 10 times more than the usual effort to send relief goods to the affected areas. People whom have relatives and friends in those affected areas are worried. They are currently unaware of their status. Some may be missing, some may gratefully be alive, and some may even be dead! It leaves those people devastated and wondering what has happened to their loved ones.

In the span of 2-3 days, typhoon Yolanda, also know as the strongest typhoon in the Philippines and in Asia, has left the country in depressing conditions. Everyone else is giving their best efforts to send relief goods and extend help in the Philippines. Transportation and communication also continue to be a problem in doing such things. Thousands dead, many missing, much more left worried for their loved ones, they are the living proof of what Yolanda has left.

I am currently begging that those whom have read this, please, please, pray for my country. We need your prayers. Please pray that we may have hope that we can get through these conditions and recover. Hopefully, this will make you appreciate your loved ones that are with you now.

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It’s My Birthday?

2 years ago, I stopped caring for my birthday. I stopped expecting surprises. I stopped expecting gifts. I just stopped. I realized that a birthday is just the same as ordinary days, anything can happen within the 24 hour period. There’s actually nothing special to a birthday, you don’t celebrate the day you were born because it wasn’t in that specific date of the current year you were born. The simple number of 13 or 14 years old is nothing but a number, a counter really. I wonder why society made the day you were born as a counter. It can actually start in any day.

I’ve been reminded numerous times before my birthday. I actually even forgot it. Now October 29, 2013 was the ‘day’ I was born with 14 years of living and counting on. Today, I could not forget my birthday at all because everyone would keep saying ‘Happy Birthday!’, and everything time I’d have to reply ‘Thank You’ to at least have the decency.

I know typically a birthday is supposed to be happy but the whole day I felt like crying. I was extremely distracted. This caused me to fail 5 quizzes. I could not focus at all! It came to the point I wrote a lot of things on my arm. Things such as: Nothing, Don’t let it win, Hold on, Chained, To fall is to rise, and the biggest and the most prominent of all is the word focus. In the end, I broke down … in front of my classmates. Well, there goes trying to hide.

I was able to use volleyball as a distraction, which was great. Training finished at about 6:30 pm and I arrive home 7 pm. I came home alone thinking of the things I’d have to do soon: Re-write my soliloquy, find international news for news reporting, TLE blog questions, english script, blog post that has been delayed for too long. Yes, it’s always been on my mind and I’ve been doing my best to make time. Sadly, I end up too exhausted and pass out. As I had all those things on my mind I entered my room and saw this…20131029-232733.jpg

A new guitar! Something I’ve been asking for so long. I literally cried as I entered, it’s something that actually made my day. I’m so grateful for my parents. I know they don’t deserve a child like me but still they do their best to make me feel love. Sure, we argue a lot, I’m scared at home. This is just one of the rare moments I feel loved, and I treasure those memories.

Eventually, it changed my perspective. Maybe it’s okay to feel excited about your birthday. Maybe it’s okay to have hope that it’d be happy. Maybe I should give myself a chance as long as I don’t expect a lot.

Happy Birthday to those who are celebrating.
Happy Birthday to those who have yet to celebrate.
Happy Birthday to those who have celebrated.