I Stand Where My Feet Brings Me

I am lost
Yet to be found
Dwindling on roads
Crossroads I’ve bet on
Surviving by the nick
Hoping for the best

I’ve been staring empty spaces
Playing memories beyond I
Control I’ve forgotten
An animal I’ve mutated

Human? I may not
Living? May be
Dying? Ughh…
What am I then?

I tend to wonder
If so I may
Where do I stand?
But oh, my feet brought me here.


Subconscious Changes

I never really expected things to come to this, and I bet we all didn’t. Born as pure as we can be, first signs of life we are poisoned with lies among the people around us. A drop of blood which falls to the purest water there can be. As we continue to age, we grow wiser in each act we make and in each set back we encounter. But what we never notice is that, the wiser we grow the more vile we turn – vile in the sense of impurity from the truth.

Time continues to pass with death and rebirth in its path, nothing can stop it – nothing can prevent it. Every second, minute, hour, day, month, and years that we pass the more we die slowly. We start to lose something we’ve never found in the first place: ourselves. Ideas and beliefs forced upon us, limited choices, and a freedom we all should have, taken from us. Thus, we are forced to be molded to a mold that isn’t our bodies. The longer this continues, the more we lose the basics of humanity – the things that make us unique and human.

Like a bird in a cage, we are trapped in an invisible cage. Most may not notice until it’s too late, when the grasps of lies wrap their arms around one entirely, one is then blinded from the truth. What is the truth? What is the lie? Lies are considered fragments of truth while the truth are considered lies. They coexist within each other for a moment until the clock continues to pass then you see the difference, when it’s too late. The truth and the lie is most comparable to oil and water, at first glance they seem to join but after a while the oil will pass the water and float about it. If we look from above we only see the oil, translucent it is just like lies: fragments of truth. At first glance what we see the lie; it distorts us from seeing the truth for a while.

We all know lies are easier to accept while the truths are difficult to accept. Some may know better than to believe a lie but also know less that they accept the truth, so what does one do? Turn to ignorance of course. Sadly, lies are easier to believe than truth but reject both ideas – you ignore.

Ignorance may be considered to be an easy way out between the two, some may say it’s best and others may think other-wise. Admit it, we all have the tendency to turn to ignorance and well all have our fair share of it. An easy way out seems great at first but in the long run we all tend to hurt more than we’ve started out.

Just remember these few things:

Make your own mold, don’t try and fit into one.
See through the lies and not within one.
An easy way out doesn’t always make it to the end.


It’s My Birthday?

2 years ago, I stopped caring for my birthday. I stopped expecting surprises. I stopped expecting gifts. I just stopped. I realized that a birthday is just the same as ordinary days, anything can happen within the 24 hour period. There’s actually nothing special to a birthday, you don’t celebrate the day you were born because it wasn’t in that specific date of the current year you were born. The simple number of 13 or 14 years old is nothing but a number, a counter really. I wonder why society made the day you were born as a counter. It can actually start in any day.

I’ve been reminded numerous times before my birthday. I actually even forgot it. Now October 29, 2013 was the ‘day’ I was born with 14 years of living and counting on. Today, I could not forget my birthday at all because everyone would keep saying ‘Happy Birthday!’, and everything time I’d have to reply ‘Thank You’ to at least have the decency.

I know typically a birthday is supposed to be happy but the whole day I felt like crying. I was extremely distracted. This caused me to fail 5 quizzes. I could not focus at all! It came to the point I wrote a lot of things on my arm. Things such as: Nothing, Don’t let it win, Hold on, Chained, To fall is to rise, and the biggest and the most prominent of all is the word focus.┬áIn the end, I broke down … in front of my classmates. Well, there goes trying to hide.

I was able to use volleyball as a distraction, which was great. Training finished at about 6:30 pm and I arrive home 7 pm. I came home alone thinking of the things I’d have to do soon: Re-write my soliloquy, find international news for news reporting, TLE blog questions, english script, blog post that has been delayed for too long. Yes, it’s always been on my mind and I’ve been doing my best to make time. Sadly, I end up too exhausted and pass out. As I had all those things on my mind I entered my room and saw this…20131029-232733.jpg

A new guitar! Something I’ve been asking for so long. I literally cried as I entered, it’s something that actually made my day. I’m so grateful for my parents. I know they don’t deserve a child like me but still they do their best to make me feel love. Sure, we argue a lot, I’m scared at home. This is just one of the rare moments I feel loved, and I treasure those memories.

Eventually, it changed my perspective. Maybe it’s okay to feel excited about your birthday. Maybe it’s okay to have hope that it’d be happy. Maybe I should give myself a chance as long as I don’t expect a lot.

Happy Birthday to those who are celebrating.
Happy Birthday to those who have yet to celebrate.
Happy Birthday to those who have celebrated.